|Description||Original upload: 2010-02-08 | |
To quote Edina Monsoon: �Armpit licking, sweetie! Armpits!�
Factory Video continue to give their customers what they want. I imagine their request-line is run by a pervy little Kenneth Starr type, dredging out every last sordid detail: �Um, yes, more sweat,� �close-ups of cooze ooze please� or �how�s about a Bette Midler scenario?�
Judging by the image of Alias on the front cover, this is what Smellyvision was created for. And think of the marketing opportunities lost when they made the decision not to release it in a scratch and sniff box. This is Attack of the Sweaty Armpits!
Apparently the guys at Factory Video got their ideas from contacting an armpit fetish Internet newsgroup. I can only imagine the fruity guys out there hunched over a terminal, rubbing their hands with glee: �Our prayers have been answered!� they�d beam.
We start in an adult video store where young Skyy browses for armpit videos but prefers to see Daddy Parker�s real life ones instead. Ahh, the animal magnetism that a charcoal wife-beater can evoke! It all proves too much for Skyy, who dives straight in as Parker inspects the top shelf. Clothes are shed and underarms are well and truly tongue-explored, getting to the point where you have no idea when drool ends and perspiration begins. Blow-jobs and a great fuckscene (with Parker doing his usual frenetic topping) leads to an amazing bit where Skyy shoots his baby-gravy right into Parker�s pit-stop (odd post-production effect here, or my acid kicked in early) before offering a repeat performance on his Daddy�s already cum-matted torso, which he then proceeds to lick off.
I lost count of how much screentime was devoted to crevices. Needless to say you�ll love it, and as for that bit of �pit-fucking� - well, you aint seen nothing yet!
The second episode is �Caught in the Pit� and sees underclothed Horst asleep in a really crummy sheeted-off set that funnily enough makes it even dirtier. Along comes similarly-attired Alias and gives the sleeping beauty a quick lick, working his way under the t-shirt sleeve as if it was foreskin.
Oops. The Kraken awakes, so get ready. Things get very verbal and very dirty very quickly. Alias becomes the �axilla bottom�, smothering himself in Horst�s canyons as his own crevices get pinched, slapped, twisted, plucked and gripped. These Armpit Pigsluts lead the way in what�s no doubt going to become a new sexual revolution. Heck, Madonna will be recording songs about it soon.
The noisy bastards take turns fucking each other�s dripping shoulderbags (amazing!) before Alias rubbers up and fucks his big buddy whilst licking his own pores dry. The sequence (which made me want to criminalize all antiperspirant) ends with Alias delivering his �candy samples� right into Horst�s face before he retaliates with a spoogebomb right into Alias�s armpit, which both lovingly proceed to lick clean and dry. We can only look on in awe. And grab a Kleenex. Catholics should take special note - it�s another way to fuck without birth control! Here endeth the second lesson.
The final scene is romantically entitled �Love Stinks� - a pretty gross moniker but, hey, you get the picture. Wild and Davenport pick each other up in the street, head to Wild�s apartment and get down to it on the sofa. There�s really nothing more to say: Davenport rips off Wild�s shirt to get to his Loveland which he dotingly begins to devour. Hope the t-shirt wasn�t expensive because it�s reduced to rags as Davenport keeps ripping to get better access to those strawberry-blonde hair-coves like he�s just discovered his life-long fetish. He just doesn�t stop! And it also totally reawakened one of my own dormant fantasies - I absolutely forgot how wood-inducing the sound of tearing fabric is.
Out come their amazing meat puppets and the two take their time paying equal attention to both horny body areas before they prove they really do know their asses from their elbows (ok - bad off-the-mark joke but it still works) as they flip-flop each other all over the lounge. As ever, both get each other�s motherloads smack-bang in the kisser.
Can�t wait to see the sequel, maybe featuring vignettes such as the �Perils of Penelope Pitstop�, or �The Pit and the Pendulous?� Maybe �Pitt: The Younger�, a historical segment about Britain�s youngest Prime Minister?
2001, 76 min
Studio: Factory Video Productions
Cast: Joey Alias, Frank Parker, Eli Horst, Rick Skyy, Billy Wild, Sean Davenport
Director: Frank Parker
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