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Part I: Orientation: Learning the Ropes
âYou set me up,â Jobe Zander the self-styled âCenterpieceâ raged after his debut beating at the hands of Cole Cassidy, slamming his fists down on The Bossâ desk. âWhat kind of fly-by-night promotion is this anyway? I show up expecting a goddamned orientation and I get slammed by some two bit punk cheap shot artist you call a fucking wrestler? I am a goddamned STAR and should be treated like one!â
Ask and you shall receive is The Bossâ motto (that is, providing it suits His plans and/or whims...) so Jobeâs âorientationâ is arranged. And who better to introduce Mr. Centerpiece to the ways of all things BGEast than young pro hot-shot and Gay Games medalist Jonny?
Itâs easy to understand why Jonny has emerged as a major BGE luminaryâheâs a good looking youngster with a chiseled rock hard body which wrestling trunks fit to like a glove. Each day he shows up at the BGE compound and gets a flip-chart list of chores from The Boss (or a surrogate...) and he goes to workâoften even whistling a happy tune. Heâs just finishing up cleaning the ring when sequin-caped Jobe arrives for his âorientationââand is none too pleased to discover that thatâs the LAST chore on Jonnyâs list. This is too MUCH for the self-styled superstar, and not even his love affair with the mirror (âwhich,â he crows as he gazes into it, âhas never looked so goodâ) can distract him from this LATEST perceived insult. Jonny is just not deferential enough for his liking. Enraged, Jobe leaps out of the ring and moves âorientationâ to the top of Jonnyâs chore list, and then attacks the youngster!
Jonny is completely caught off guard, and soon Jobe has him sprawled in the center of the ring. Apparently, itâs only a cheap shot in JobeWorld when itâs directed at you! Jobe scores a couple of 3 counts, crowing triumphantly and heads over to Jonnyâs flip chart. He tears up Jonnyâs list of chores. He writes IRON MAN across the top of a new sheet of paper, underlines it, and then writes âJOBEâ on one side, putting tick marks down for the pins heâs âearned,â and then writes "LOSER" on the other side, before heading back into the ring to work over his fallen opponent some more.
PART II: Giving the Man His Props
But Jonny, no matter what Jobe may think, isnât just some janitorâas his fans will attest. Heâs fast and he knows what heâs doingâhe doesnât train with The Boss just for shits and giggles. And his Gay Games medal was earned, not bought at the souvenir stand. Conversely, The Boss doesnât just train anyoneâand it takes a special breed to survive the mysterious âinitiationâ into The Leopardâs LairâŚand Jonny has that certain something the Boss likes. Call it star potential, call it whatever you want toâThe Boss is never wrong (just ask him). And sure enough, quicker than you can say âouchâ Jonnyâs turned the tables on Jobe and wrung a few brutal submissions out of the cocky stud. Now itâs Jonnyâs turn to go out of the ring and put some tick marks under his nameâafter of course, crossing out âloserâ and writing âJonnyâ instead.
Unfortunately for Jonny, Jobeâs arrogance isnât all just hot air. The man knows how to wrestle, and he is burning with indignation at being treated as just another wrestler in the BGEast stableâand heâs decided this young âjanitorâ is just the person for him to vent his spleen on. Jonny spent too much time correcting the list, and gave Jobe enough time to pull himself togetherâand heâs ready when Jonny tries to get back in the ring. So the janitor knows his way around the ring? Okay, maybe some low blows will put the âCenterpieceâ back over the top! And he has quite a few dirty tricks for ball torture in his arsenal, and pulls out the nastiest of them to torment poor Jonny! Give the man his dueâhe sure knows a lot of adventurous ways to rack a guy! And after Jonny has croaked out a few more submissions, Jobe decides that his fists, feet and the ropes arenât quite enough to destroy the kid! He brings in the flip chartâand the red marker heâs been using to slam the kid around withâand the marker is just the right size for some ball slamsâŚ But it's not over yet...
Every wrestler knows that pain is a part of the sport. It tests your endurance, it tests your strength, it tests your resolve, it tests your character. Sometimes the pain is so intense it is all you are aware of. Sometimes the pain lasts for days after a match; every muscle and joint in your body aching so badly you just want to stay in bed. The key to success is being able to work through the pain, to somehow funnel that pain into adrenaline and focusâbecause if you donât, you might as well give up right then and there.
Jonny is no quitter, you can see the resolve burning in his eyes. Thereâs no cheaper shot than working your opponentâs ballsâand you better make sure youâve finished him off or it could come back to youâin spades. Jobe has apparently never learned the Rule of 3âthat what you put out comes back to you threefoldâ itâs a lesson Jonny is more than willing to teach The Centerpiece! Jonny also knows how to make use of foreign objectsâand soon itâs Jobe screaming in agony as the angry young man starts taking this âorientationâ a bit more seriously than maybe The Boss intendedâbut then, you never know with The BossâŚ
Jonny is capable of turning himself into a one-man demolition crew (just ask poor Andy Hammer!) and his vicious side, deceptively hidden beneath that boyishly handsome face, comes to the fore. âI submit! I submit!â Jobe screams at one point, his body twisted into a human pretzelâall thatâs missing is the salt. âSay I quit,â Jonny growls.
As the match wears on, its apparentâsomeone is not walking out of the ring. In fact, the loser of this match might have to be CARRIED outâŚ And someone is going to have to finish cleaning the ringâor The Boss (aka "He Who Must Be Obeyed") wonât be happy.
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